Connection, Chapter Four: Tainted Fate

Destiny. Part One. Connection.

Chapter Four: Tainted Fate

 The very next day was the night Kieran’s band was set to play a show.  I’d checked my appearance in the mirror so many times that I wouldn’t be surprised if my own reflection was tired of me.  I’d looked through absolutely everything in my closet to find something that didn’t scream Beverly Hills brat.  Clothes were strewn all over the floor of my walk-in closet and would serve as a reminder of my insecurities when I arrived back home.

I ended up wearing a pair of jeans I’d only worn twice before but were stonewashed and looked like they might be my favorite pair of jeans that I’d held on to for years.  My plain racer back tank—hardly enough for a night in late November—matched the jeans, my chestnut hair hung straight against my shoulders, and my eye makeup was smoky and perfect.  I still had doubts as to whether I would be able to look like a casual show-goer when I got to the venue.  Considering how I was raised, it was as casual as I knew how to be.  I put some cash and my cell phone in the right front pocket of my jeans so that I wouldn’t have to carry a purse around.  I was about ready to walk out of my room when someone beat me to it, opening the door from the outside without so much as a knock.  It was Matt.  He and I were meeting up with everyone else in Santa Monica.  “Hey, you look good.  Ready to go?”

That was something I loved about Matt.  He didn’t tell you that you looked good just to boost your ego, or to suck up.  He was straight to the point.  In the time we’d known each other he was always the kid you could count on to be honest.  If you looked like shit, he would tell you that flat out.  Maybe for others it was a negative strike against them but for Matt it worked.

“Thanks.  Yeah,” I answered.  “Let’s go.”

We walked down the long hallway of the second floor in the Harland mansion, and I prayed that my mom didn’t come out and see me just then so I wouldn’t have to come up with a bogus excuse about where we were off to.  Not that I wasn’t allowed to go to shows, but in the event that she was in a ‘concerned parent’ mood I would have to come up with fake details about my night.  Matt and I were almost down the flight of stairs when Jeremy appeared from around the corner, on his way up.  “Hey, Lana.  Matt.  Is the concert today?”

Always, always, I got caught at the stairs.

“Concert?” I shrugged.

“You said you were going with Damien and some other people to a concert.  Is it tonight?”

“Oh, no, it’s not.  We are seeing a band—different band—though.  Remember the day you came home and I told you about that new kid at school?” I asked Jeremy. “His band got on a battle of the bands thing tonight in Santa Monica. He invited us and we thought we’d check it out.”

“Wow,” Jeremy clicked his teeth and smirked.

I didn’t like the look of his smirk.  “‘Wow’ what?”

“Well I figure you must have a crush on this kid if you’re willing to spend your Saturday night watching his crappy band,” Jeremy shrugged.

“We don’t know if his band is crappy yet,” I answered.  “That’s why we’re going to find out.”

“And you didn’t deny the crush thing!” Jeremy was very please with himself.

Matt chuckled behind me as I felt my face go warm.  “Jeremy,” I whined. “You are the worst.”

“Right,” he guffawed, “and this terrible brother is the one who is going to lie to Mom when she asks me if you mentioned where you were going.”

I grinned.  “I’d really appreciate it.  I know you’re too old for it now but I’d do the same for you!”

“Sure.” Jeremy patted my head annoyingly (hey, at least he didn’t ruffle my hair) and poked the air with his thumb, signaling that he was going to continue on his way upstairs.  “Hope this kid is worth it.  Drive safely.”

We said our goodbyes to Jeremy and then walked out of the front door where Matt’s Range Rover was waiting for us.  It was a drive straight down Santa Monica Boulevard once we came down from the hills.  Matt had no problem continuing Jeremy’s string of teasing.

Afterglare was an all ages venue, with a bar for those of age, and we easy managed to score some wristbands for bar privileges with our fake IDs when we arrived at the door 15 minutes later.  There was a band setting up on stage and the air of the room was filled with light chatter among the attendees, quiet enough for me to make a quick phone call for Matt and me to find our friends.  They were at a table on the balcony level with Kieran and his band mates in tow.

Kieran greeted Matt and myself when we were within range.  “Hey, thanks for coming!  I’m glad you guys made it.”

He looked a lot different tonight than in his Park Laine uniform.  You never would have guessed that he was going to a prestigious prep school.  His piercings were in, his black band shirt was fitting, and one of his Vans was coming apart at the seams.  There was colored ink peeking out from underneath his shirt—maybe the start to a half-sleeve tattoo?  He’d looked this way when we’d hung out the night before but this time there was definitely something different.  He was in his element.  He was comfortable.

“Did you think we’d bail?” Matt wondered.

He shrugged.  “I wasn’t sure if some of the richest kids in California wanted to spend their Saturday watching our little band.”

Matt and I were quickly introduced to the three other guys in the band: Devin, Seth, and Adam, who played guitar, bass, and drums, respectively.  Seth’s younger sister, Kylie, was in attendance as well.  They were all much chattier than Kieran off the bat.

“I really like your hat,” I told Adam.

He was sporting a hat that read I’m An Asshole, which I thought was completely awesome.

“Do you?” he said.

My reply was to nod.

“Well here, you be the asshole.”

Adam placed the hat on my head gently and then quickly ran a hand back and forth over his brown mop of hat hair.

I chuckled and gave him a nice half hug.  “I don’t know you, but I like you already.”

“Likewise,” he returned.

Kieran and his comrades left as soon as the lights were dimmed when the first band was ready to start.  He’d explained that on battle of the bands night, gear load in/load out time was supposed to be as speedy as possible.  Set time was short—five songs per band—because there were 8 bands playing.  I was having a great time halfway into the first band’s second song.  The venue was smaller than anything else I was used to and it had such a cool atmosphere to it.  This wasn’t the type of show where people pushed through to get up as close as they could to the stage and sing along with their favorite touring bands.  Pushing wasn’t necessary.  The band on stage was one and the same with the kids in the crowd.  Battle of the bands night was a place to hang out with friends, support friends, and check out some L.A. area bands that might be up and coming.

The venue was a combination of people hanging out along the walls, watching from the balcony and standing around on the floor.  Once Tainted Fate—the band Kieran was in—was setting up, I made my way down to the floor with Kylie.  Maybe the intent of my friends changed once they realized they could get drinks, but I genuinely wanted to see Kieran play in his band.  Jeremy and Matt were right after all: I did have a crush on him.  Actually, I probably had more than a crush on him.

After the band checked the monitors with the guy behind the house soundboard and the lights dimmed again there were a few claps from the audience.  It was a few more hands for them than for the first band that played; Tainted Fate had some support from their friends and the local scene.  I was no more than ten feet from the stage, which was elevated just waist-high from the ground, and I thought I saw Kieran glance at me briefly as he stepped up to the microphone.  All of a sudden he wasn’t just a shy, good-looking kid.  He had a different sort of sparkle in his eyes.

“Hi,” Kieran spoke.  “We’re Tainted Fate.  This is our first song.”

When he started strumming his guitar and singing I decided that he should be a poster boy for his local scene.  There was nothing awkward about him.  He looked more natural and at ease than I’d ever seen him since the day we met.  I could see who he really was.  This was where he belonged.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later Damien and Matt were drunk and on their way to being completely wasted.  It was a good thing I’d actually been watching bands because now it was my responsibility to drive Matt home or at least put him in one of the guest rooms back at the Harland estate.  During Tainted Fate’s last song I was sure that Kieran was focused on me.  He flashed me his dimples and looked at me for almost the whole song, and it felt as if we were the only two people in the room.  It was like I was the only person he could see.  You could say we had a moment.  I thought it was cute.

Kieran and his band mates didn’t win that night’s battle of the bands but they weren’t discouraged in the slightest.  These battles happened once a month and they themselves were sure that the band that won was better than them.  Anyway, winning wasn’t really the point.  The most important thing to them was that their band was getting exposure in their local scene, that there were a handful of people that really liked them, and half a crowd that sort of liked them.  If people liked them then they could build a following and maybe even a fan base.

“Lana,” Kieran tapped my arm.

We were back at the table where Damien and Travis had been sitting when I walked into the venue with Matt earlier in the night.

I leaned my head in closer to his.  “What’s up?”

“Do you…” he moved his hand away and rushed a sentence that I almost didn’t catch.  “D’you want to get some air outside?”

I would go to the moon with you if you asked. “Sure.”  We stood and I let him lead the way to the exit.  As we were walking away I heard one of my friends loudly ask where we were going.  I looked back with a goofy grin on my face but said nothing.

The venue was a two-block walk away from the water, where the asphalt met the beach.  Kieran was back to his usual self as we made our way there, back to mellow and shy.  It was a total 180 from the way he’d been when he was playing with the band.  When we reached the sand we picked up our shoes and walked barefoot along the shore, staying within reasonable distance of the pier.  The sand squishing between my toes was far from warm.

“How come you’re like that?” I asked when a beat of complete silence came.

“Like what?”

“When you were on stage, you had, like, this aura around you.  You just let it all out.  You were comfortable with singing and playing guitar.  You looked confident—the opposite reaction of most people when put on the spot,” I told him, “but now you’re reserved again, like you’re holding back.”

“Oh.” he nodded. “I guess I kind of believe in myself more when I’m playing music.  It feels like everything just falls into place, like I know what I’m doing and I’m in control.”

He went on, “I am a bit standoffish but I swear I’m not always like this.  When it’s just my friends or my family I’m fine.  I just feel so…I don’t even know.  I guess I’m still not completely comfortable around you guys.  It’s different from my point of view.  You’re all very rich and you have everything.  It’s still a big deal in my eyes.  A lot of the time I just don’t know what to say when you’re talking about country clubs and shopping trips to SoHo.”

“We’re just people, Kieran, and I’m just a girl,” I argued. “I know you haven’t known me for very long but I’m supposed to be your friend too.”

He replied cynically,  “Really really rich people that I have nothing in common with.”

“I just watched your band play,” I countered, “and I liked it.”

“You mean that?” he asked.  “You’re not just blowing smoke up my ass?”

I nodded. “Yes, I mean it.”

“Okay,” he chuckled.  “Well I’m glad.  I appreciate it.”

“It was cool.” I crossed my arms over my chest as a heavy gust of wind came towards us.  “I would see you guys again if you invited me.”

Kieran noticed my reaction to the ocean air.  “Are you cold?”

“Kind of,” I replied. “I didn’t exactly plan my attire for a beach walk.”

“Well come here, friend,” he said as he motioned for me to step closer to him.

I smiled at the accent on the last word he spoke and let him put his arm around my shoulders.  Smooth.  Very smooth.  It wasn’t much because I was in a sleeveless shirt and he was in a crew neck t-shirt, but at least it was an excuse to be closer to him.

We kept walking and I asked, “So, what do your friends think about you going to Park Laine and spending most of the day with us?”

“They make fun of me every change they get.” he scoffed.  “But that’s just friend stuff.  I don’t think they really mind that much.  They know why I’m there.”

“Why are you there?” I wondered.  “I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s for my mom,” he explained, “she’s set on me going to Stanford or a private east coast school on academic scholarship.  She knows that I’m capable of it but it’s just not me.  Not what I want.  I want to play music and tour. Being at Park Laine means that colleges see a prep school name on my transcripts, so with that and my grades I just might stand a chance of getting into one of those schools.  I don’t actually want to go but I was hoping that if I got into Park Laine she’d lay off for a while and just be happy about me being there.”

“Did it work?”

“Yeah.  I know it won’t last though.  We—the guys and I—we’ll figure it out somehow,” Kieran answered.  “I know that we’re young and we’re still getting our footing in the local scene, but we’re so sure that it’s going to happen.  We don’t think that Tainted Fate is the next big thing and we’re not expecting to ever have a platinum record or anything like that, but we like what we’re doing and we really believe in it.  We think we can get to the point where other people will believe in it too.”

We sat down on the sand by one of the lifeguard posts and he talked more about music.  He had so much to say.  I could tell by the way he spoke quickly and talked with his hands that he was really passionate about it.  The dreams that he and his friends had might be a little impractical but not unachievable.

“I know that we’re not completely amazing right now, but I don’t think we’re terrible,” he said.  “I hope that doesn’t come off as arrogant.  We know that we’re nothing special but we also think we don’t completely suck.”

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” I replied, a chill going down my spine as the wind picked up again.  I wished that we were still standing so that I could have his arm around me again.  “I don’t think it’s arrogant either.  You’re right.  You’re not special but that’s because you’re just not special yet.  You don’t suck at all.”

I looked over at him and met the gaze of his bright green eyes.  I felt like we were back inside the venue when he was on stage, looking at me, singing to me like I was the only one there.  This time we really were alone except for the sound of the waves pounding against the shore and the lights from the pier.  Kieran flashed me a half-smile and then broke the spell, looking away.

He started playing with the bottom of his pant leg.  When he spoke again his voice was different from the moment before, when he’d gone on his tangent about music, more quiet and reserved. “So you honestly liked the music?”

I thought it was an odd question that he already knew the answer to.  Didn’t I already tell him I enjoyed his band?  Couldn’t he tell that I was interested when I was talking about it?

“Yes,” I answered anyway, watching him.

“Good.” Kieran sure was interested in his jeans, not looking back up at me.  “That’s good.”

I sighed.  “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” he wondered.

“The shy thing.  And we’re not even talking about SoHo.”

Kieran shrugged.  The shy thing was cute and all but I just wanted him to make eye contact with me.  “I’m sorry.  I—I’m nervous.  You make me nervous.”

“I don’t understand.”  I waited for him so say something more.

He gave the most unpleasant sigh I’d ever heard, like he’d just shrugged off the weight of the world.  “See—it’s—um—” he wasn’t making any sense.  “I li—I like you, Lana.  I like you a lot.  This is all coming out wrong but I…I want to date you.”  Finally, finally he looked me in the eye.  “Will you…will you go out with me?”